Howard to AGT

AGT is America's Got Talent, and I have essentially zero interest in that show.  Unfortunately, one of my broadcast idols, Howard Stern, has a tremendous amount of interest in that show, and has agreed to be the next judge, as many people already heard.

People know I like Stern a lot, so they've been asking me what I think about Howard going to AGT, and I have an answer, but it sorta doesn't make any sense, so I want to get it all down on paper where I can think more clearly, albeit not as concisely.

Howard is a remarkable talent - and a remarkably divisive individual. You know how people always say, "there are 2 types of people in the world, those who x and those who y..."?   Well there are literally 2 types of people in the world, those who like Howard, and those who don't.

I am always really surprised by those who don't like him, but I don't spend any time and/or attention trying to convince them, I just know that essentially on a daily basis for a VERY long period of time in my life, Howard has provided me and some of my best friends with a remarkable level of laughter, and it rarely has anything to do with what you all think it has do to with.

Yes, Howard does things that most normal people would register as gross, as offensive, as rude and as vulgar. It is a part of his personality - I frankly think it is so amazingly refreshing that he puts himself out there to an extent that literally only Charlie Sheen has - but the difference is a major portion of Howard's real personality is a loving, warm, vulnerable person.  People always talk about Howard like his perverse side is a character, but it isn't, and thats what I love about him. He's a full human, flawed, gross, lovely, charming, witty and rude. He's all of it.

AGT is a cookie cutter talent show - i've seen only moments of it, so I won't go into too much judgement, but you know from advertisements and clips if its something you want to see, and I know I don't want to see it. Howard loves it, he raves about it, he can't wait to be a judge.  As he's expressed, he doesn't want to be on AGT to bring on Eric The Midget or other recurring Wack Pack characters from his show - he wants to be on because he feels he can judge talent, and given his track record in the studio on the radio, he can.

The thing I worry about the most is that Howard does have a bit of a desire to please everyone - he really tries WAY too hard on his appearances with Letterman, Conan, MTV, etc. When he is himself, when he is his flawed self, talking with Robin & Fred about the news...when he is himself talking about his family or interviewing  Porn Star, whenever he is himself, I am drawn. Drawn to his personality, drawn to his tics and flaws, and drawn to his overall presentation.

I don't care that his radio show will be more about AGT than about anything else now, I trust him comically and trust his delivery & style so completely, I will likely even watch and be engaged with the goings on of AGT b/c of Howard - but I just hope that he lets the overall TV public judge him the way he lets his radio audience judge him.

Here's my appeal to Howard:  Do nothing but be yourself.  Judge the way you want to judge, say what you want to say, but don't try to please us.  You are funny, we know you're funny, and you're smart. You are a groundbreaking talent, and there are a lot of people who will never concede that point, and you gotta just let them go.

That's all I got - I'm real excited for Howard to expand his talent and his capacity to do really cool things - and possibly to even reinvent himself. I don't care how harsh the public is to him, I just hope he is not so harsh on himself, and allows his talent to ease out, rather than try to smash us over the head with it.

Baba Booey.

Icing the Kicker

There is a lot of controversy over whether or not Jason Garrett iced his own kicker this Sunday in the Cowboys game, and I can’t take it.

As a football fan, every single player & analyst I have ever heard has said that icing doesn’t work.  Icing, usually, only gives more time to a kicker to get comfortable and line himself up properly – I don’t have the #’s, but I am probably 100% sure that icing has shown no true effect on games – sometimes they make them, sometimes they miss.

That, however, is when the other team calls the timeout. 

I do believe icing the kicker happens when your own coach does it to you – mostly b/c you start to think, about anything…and in sports, overactive thinking is usually bad.

I have a recurring dream/nightmare that I can’t swing my golf club – that everything is in the way and even if I swung I know I couldn’t make contact. It usually results in my group/foursome holding back the entire course from progress, and results in me being so sad and frustrated that I can’t just hit the ball.  The worst part of the dream is just the thinking part – that I am over the ball convincing myself I can’t do it.

When a coach calls a timeout, sheepishly, right before a kick, you can only believe, as the kicker, that the coach is questioning something about the play, anything, who knows what, and I do believe it has the icing effect.

Fans and analysts are believing that Garrett iced the kicker in the old fashioned sense, that he was going to make it (and actually did), but then didn’t b/c he had to think about it.  That is partially true, but when your own coach second guesses a situation involving you, that’s icing on a whole new level.

I can predict this for you – at some point Bailey will have to kick another field goal at the end of regulation before this year is up, and I bet the opposing coach will try to ice him, and I can promise you that Bailey will make the FG – because icing by the opponent doesn’t work. At all.

Disney/Pixar

Here are my rankings of Pixar films. The only one I didn't like, as in I hope I don't need to watch again, is Cars 2. The rest have some kind of personal connection or made sense to me, as a story.

1. Toy Story 3
2. Ratatouille
3. Toy Story 1
4. Up
5. Finding Nemo
6. Wall-E
7. Toy Story 2
8. The Incredibles
9. Monster's Inc.
10. Cars
11. A Bug's Life
12. Cars 2

And below are the last 10 Disney Studios animated films, ranked.  By the looks of things, counting Brave, which comes out soon, I'm optimistic that the last 3 films (Tangled, Brave & The Princess & the Frog) are a glimpse into the future of Disney Animation.

1. Tangled
2. Meet the Robinsons
3. The Princess & The Frog
4. Bolt
5. Lilo & Stitch
6. Brother Bear
7. Winnie the Pooh
8. Home on the Range
9. Chicken Little
10. Treasure Planet

New England Pilgrims in the 20th Century v. Hurricane Irene.

Nature, more particularly Hurricane Irene, spent the weekend under the belief that she could best a couple of misfits known as my parents, and I personally found the results to be hilarious.

For those who don't know them, my parents are not completely out of place people who don't know how to operate in this world.  Between them they do own a cell phone (one) and at one point they had a satellite dish - they have traveled the world and made it back to Kingston USA in one piece, and they are not incapable or subjects of anyone's pity.  They just bought kayaks, and they'll explore that Jones River for the next few dozen years like they are a couple of Lewis & Clark's, except they won't bring the President back a few Grizzly Bears (L&C really did that! They lived caged on the White House lawn for Jefferson's enjoyment).

But as "in the now" as they are, there is an equal part of them that wishes for a world of no electricity, an existence that offers as much challenge and consequence as one that offers reclining chairs and the internet.  They don't long for the good old days like the 1960's, they long for the good old days of the 1690's, and it's one thing that gave my sister and I a great deal of comfort when they remained powerless and out of touch for a few days.

If any 2 people took Irene's punches and never hit the mat, it's them, and the below email from my mom today is living proof of that.

Keep punching, Irene, Katia, or whoever you may send next.  My parents won't hit back, but they won't go down easy, either.


From the words of Paula Fisher:


Electricity came on during the night.  This is what we learned while experiencing the inconveniences of Irene:

• We’re old enough to know how to light a gas stove with a match.
• E-Garage doors can be opened manually (but that may mean an electrician will be needed to make it an e-door again.)
• Rain Barrels with the lid not on could (and did) cause a squirrel death in the Ahdeenah section of Kingston L
• When there are no street lights there are more than just Orion’s Belt, and the Big & Little Dippers visible in the night sky
• We actually have ambulatory neighbors (We had thought perhaps they were disabled and could only get from one place to another in cars)
• Neighborhood generators make for an annoying mosquito-like hum/buzz if you don’t have one
• I can go without coffee for two days and not even realize I have
• Rules to games like rummy and gin rummy are not like riding a bicycle, you don’t remember, but as long as you agree to make them up as you go along it’s OK.
• Houses look really warm and inviting from the outside when lit with candlelight
• Since hurricanes usually happen in the summer and Masterpiece (Theatre, Mystery, Classic) are all repeats it’s OK if you miss one
• Having an unexpected day off cuz your company has no power is a really cool surprise and can be very productive
• And finally, it’s worth getting your yard raked, and decorative accouterments back in place even though Katia may be on her way next week