...Sonic...

Sonic, the Experience

Sunday morning, Grum, Wizzy and myself went out for an entire day of golf. 9 holes at Atkinson Resort & Country Club's Par-3 course, followed immediately by 18 holes on their big boy course - which provided me with the worst of round golf I have played in years. I wasn't that horrible off the tee, I was bad, but not that horrible. I just couldn't hit a solid iron shot. 8 out of 10 of my iron's were pulled left, the other 2 were pushed right. I didn't hit a green in regulation all day, despite the fact that I was on the fairway 6 out of 14 holes, and only 1 or 2 penalties.

After we played Atkinson, which I highly recommend, we moved on over to Crystal Springs in Haverhill, which literally may be the worst course I have ever played. In all fairness, we only played the front 9 of the course, which was quite possibly the worst layout I've ever played, for the first 5 holes, specifically. By the end of 5 holes, the 3 of us were completely screwing around, which resulted in highlights, lowlights, and, of course, a lot of fun. Overall, it was a great day of golf, beautiful weather, and nothing bad to say about the day.

Aftter golf, we were all extremely starving. Golf finshed at around 6:45pm for us, and we knew exactly where we wanted to go - directly into the disaster known as Sonic Burger on Rt. 1 in Peabody. We had heard horror stories, such as this one as told by my friend Roy. In large portion, the 3 of us wanted this kind of horror story as our own, so we drove out to Peabody. After a small GPS snafu, we ended up at Sonic at around 7:30pm.

When I say, "at Sonic," I should explain that we weren't quite there yet. We were in the line, about a 1/4 mile away, on the shoulder of Rt. 1 North, with the bright lights of Sonic clearly in view. There were directional signs, navigational police, horns, lights, blinkers...it was a great experience. After about 25 minutes of waiting, moving ever so slowly up the line of cars, Grum noticed a sign we hadn't seen before, which essentially stated we were in line for the Drive-Thru only. If you've ever been to Sonic, you know that you can't go to the drive-thru. It is a place where waitresses (almost exclusively) bring you your food on rollerskates out to your car if you are parked at a dock. If you go through the drive-thru, you may as well go to Wendy's.

So after about a 1/2 hour of waiting in the drive-thru line, we pull the chute and head over to the back entrance, which we learn from signs is actually where you will be put into a new line to get a rollerskater, which is what we wanted. Again, another 1/2 hour or so passes, and we have moved up only a few car lengths. Having no idea what the geography of this whole experience will be like, we send Merriweather Grum out to navigate the landscape, and he tells us we are way, way, back in line.

I then instruct Grum and Wizzy to go stand in the "take out" line, which at least allows you the experience of Sonic, you can see the excitement around you, and you can take it all in. I will sit in my car, as there is no place to park, and wait in the long line - whoever gets to the front of the line first alerts the other via bluetooth/cell phone. I think all in all, a few phone calls later and almost a 1/2 Stern Show broadcast, maybe just under 2 1/4 hours, Grum and Wizzy got to the front of the line.

I had to pull the chute and get out of line, as I was about to get stuck in the Sonic parking lot, so by the time food was recieved, I was in the back of a Wendy's, which I had gone into to buy a water and use the restroom, and finally Grum and Wizzy came to the car, with multiple bags, drink holders, and $51.00 lighter in the wallet.

We sped out of the Wendy's lot as fast as we could, and found ourselves a few miles down the road behind a TGI Friday's in the parking lot eating fast food at 10:00pm, trying not to get the interior of my new car dirty and trying even harder to make ourselves sick. Bacon Burgers, Chicken Burgers, Popcorn chicken, mozzerella sticks, tater tots, oreo blasts, diet coke, onion rings...we had it all.

Sonic, the Corporation

We had a blast, and it was fun, but it was completely a time-killer and something to do to tell a funny story. It had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with being reasonable or actually desiring the food itself so badly that we'd wait two hours. But you have to ask yourself, were we the exception, or the rule, in this cluster of vehicles? Were most people there acting as if they were just in line for regular food? Were they intermittently cursing out Sonic Burger for the long lines, or were they there understanding they were part of an odd experience?

I mean, there are hundreds of Sonic burgers in the country with no wait, at all times of the day. People in the Carolina's or Florida would read the story above and think, "are you nuts?" Yes, well, in this case we openly admit a streak of psychosis. But again, it was funny.

The proper direction to aim the "are you nuts" question is Oklahoma City and the Sonic headquarters. There very well may be a great reason why Sonic isn't up in New England yet, but for the purpose of this post I am going to elect to believe there is no good reason at all, and I am going to continue with that until I hear otherwise.

Sonic has had a compelling National TV campaign for years now, the "Two Guys" commercials as they are known, which feature the 2 Improv actors talking about the offerings of Sonic and how unique they are, and they have garnered a good response, in general, people seem interested in what the commercials have to say. The Sonic hysteria had reached New England before a Sonic had actually opened, so it is no surprise that there are long lines, consistently, for nearly a week at it's first opening.

However, I am of the opinion that this hysteria, in some form or another, will not calm down. When I say "hysteria," I obviously mean this in a relative term. I mean, Sonic in Peabody isn't like The Beatles on Ed Sullivan, but it certainly is interesting when a fast food chain can open on a major public road and require a 3 to 4 cop detail each day/night in order to ensure safety and civility.

But the question is, "What is Sonic doing?" If I were a shareholder, and I believe in the next few weeks I will be one, given what seems to me to be the obvious need, desire, and public outcry for more New England, specifically Boston-based rooftops, I'd be screaming at the top of my lungs to upper management. What has taken them so long? What were they thinking? Were they so wrapped up in what is going on in the South/Midwest to realize that there are, in fact, fast food eaters in the Northeast?

If people were willing to sit in their car, not moving, for 2+ hours on a Sunday night to eat Tater Tots, doesn't that indicate to you that you have a product worth selling? There should be Sonic chains in Framingham, S. Attleboro, Burlington, and a few scattered along 495 as well, and then quickly expanding out to Worcester and Springfield. I-84 in and around Hartford should be littered with Sonic's and Portland, ME should get one as well.

I personally don't care, my life would be a "10" without Sonic in it anyway, I am speaking purely from a business model perspective, and if these guys were just sitting on their hands, patting each other on the back because a few improv comedians got the South & Midwest interested in Lime Rickey's, well, shame on them. They should have been growing prior to this economic bust, because from what I saw on Sunday night, the economy, in the land of Fast Food and Sonic Burger, is doing just fine.